He made you feel worthless? she wasn’t the one! When love becomes sour, a break up might be the only solution. Breakups have become a common experience shared by billions of people all around the world.
Granted, not all these experiences are the same in any manner whatsoever. Some of these experiences may bring forth a flurry of uncomfortable emotions, to the point that you just want to evaporate and disappear.
Breakups can make you feel completely sh*tty and frustrated. Rejection, pain, and loss can consume you and make you feel like you are crawling through hell.
The unique thing about pain is its universality. Take any human being, anywhere in the world, we have all experienced a breakup at least once in your life, and can attest to how difficult and depressing this period is. But hey, despite the turmoil of a break up these people made it and know how to handle those uncomfortable feelings.
According to Oscar Wilde in Greatist, hearts were made to be broken, however true this is, it is just gibberish mambo-jumbo to me, and nothing more of poetic insight. It doesn’t heal the pain.
Having to let go of someone or being let go of by someone you had invested so much time and emotions in, the ‘one’ you thought you would spend your entire life with even if its just Netflix and chill- is enough to make you want to disappear from the face of the earth.
The truth of the matter is the breakup will hurt like hell. The pain is inevitable. The worst part about it is the fact that you have no idea about what you need to do.
According to Greatist and Susan J. Elliot: author of Getting Back Out There: Successful Dating and Finding Real Love after The Big Breakup, we have three options; these include
- over obsessing on how to get your ex back and wasting your time and energy.
- Pretend that you are okay, act as if nothing happened and get yourself into another relationship as soon as possible.
- Focus on you, give yourself time, heal, look for the perception of the situation, learn from it and look for ways to revamp yourself.
Bet you know which option is best(wink). Not surprisingly, experts believe that the third option is most favorable. No need to cry over spilled milk, is there? As hard as it will be eventually you will be okay and in the process, learn a thing or two.
The Dos of dealing with a breakup
Binge eating, eating yourself into an ice cream coma and crying for days? Nooo, not healthy. This is becoming an outdated way to handle those hell sent emotions. As a matter of fact, there has never existed a better time to revamp your life as during a breakup as noted in Cosmopolitan.
Avoid all modes of communications
First things first, don’t communicate with your ex, block or unfriend them on all social media platforms, if you have to but do not communicate with them.
I cannot stress this enough, any form of communication, reminders or notifications on social media from and about your ex will be the death of you. Resist, fight the urge, recruit your close friends and call or message them instead of your ex.
Allow yourself to feel the pain
Cry, mourn, journal hang out with friends who will listen to you. Feeling your emotions, experiencing them prevents tidal outbursts of the ‘feels’ in inappropriate places e.g workplace. Get yourself a minute or two of quiet time at work or wherever, reflect, cry if you need to. It helps. Talk with close friends who will listen to you. A problem shared is a problem half solved, cliché right! But its works for some of us at least.
Enroll in a gym, better yet work out from home
Get you an intense rage-workout routine. Get that negativity out.
Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional
Granted, breakups hurt like hell. Grieving will happen no matter what but it fades with time as noted in Huff Post. The trick is to recognize suffering immediately it creeps up on you and mentally fights it. Don’t let it get to you.
Breakups hurt, sometimes we just want to run away from all the uncomfortable, heart-crushing, gut-wrenching, visceral pain. But we can’t.
Suggest to just be friends
Pretending to be okay and acting like the breakup didn’t hurt you… won’t get you anywhere. Trying to be friends with someone who called it quits or you quitted from is tricky if not impossible. Usually, one person wants to be friends but the other one wants to be more than just friendship. It’s urgent that you work out on your emotions so that this friendship can be meaningful if ever.
Evading the situation, will not make it disappear
Coping with breakups, varies from individual to individual and it can include binge eating, drinking yourself to death, one night stands, moving cities among others. We can employ any coping method to evade the pain at whatever cost. But according to Huff Post, distractions may be exactly what you need but in the long run, doesn’t really solve the problem, truthfully, they may stagnate or prolong the whole healing process.
Do not Facebook (or any other social media) stalk your ex
Social media will be the death of you, especially if you are trying to move on from a breakup. Also, do not post anything about the breakup online. Resist the urge to stalk your ex, this will only make you miserable or even feel worse especially if you find out that he is probably doing ‘better’ than you.
Don’t plead for a reunion with your ex
Honestly, dogs can beg, you are NOT a dog so don’t beg. So, you begged and you guys got back together, yeah! How does it feel to have the thought of begging for your ex, linger and taunt you at the back of your mind? Getting back with an ex, when you have to beg is not worth it. Deep down you know it’s for the wrong reasons.
No person on her death bed wishes to have slept with their ex just one last time. Let the breakup be clean. If you have to sleep with someone get yourself a random guy from the bar, I don’t know, flirt with that cute guy from the coffee shop. You might end up getting some(wink).
Revenge can be sweet but C’mon is it worth it? So, you get worked up and decided to key your ex’s car or burn their house! Do you feel better about it? Definitely no. If anything, this is probably breaking the law. Given, some of us are adrenaline junkies always seeking for the next thrilling adventure, and stealing your ex’s cat seems pretty interesting, right? It’s not. Getting even only caters to hatred and bitterness but doesn’t stop the pain.
Don’t take too long to long to heal
Breakup pain is gut-wrenching and unavoidable but prolonging the process won’t do you any good. Get out there, join dating sites, dare to do the unthinkable and just get out there.
Don’t give up on love
He just wasn’t the one, she cheated on you; have hope that you will find your ‘one’ again, out there. Take care of yourself and concentrate on the things you love doing. Trust that love is out there.
Additional ways to deal with breakups
Want to let go of an ex? Easy! (wait, not so much). With the skyrocketing developments in technology and the billion-dollar industry of innovations apparently, there are several apps that help people deal with uncomfortable emotions.
Basically, what these do is give you pep talks, inspirational talks, feel wheel decisions, a platform for writing texts to your ex without sending them, break-up themed playlists.