Marriage is supposed to be everlasting or at least ‘till death do us part.’ But this does not always happen, a significant number of marriages are ending prematurely through a divorce. According to the Telegraph, the United Kingdom recorded more than 100, 000 divorces in 2016 alone. This a very alarming number.
Nobody gets married thinking that one day they would get separated. If you are going through a divorce, then I empathize with you. I know it is a tough, lonely world out there. It is worse if you tried being married, you wanted to make it work but it didn’t.
I am here to give you a few tips on how you to move on after divorce. You need to know these tips because, without them, life after divorce can be a nightmare. (I know it is already a nightmare, but trust me, it can get worse.).
Surviving a divorce needs resilience and courage. Most people who have been through this don’t even like talking about it because they don’t want to remember. I can’t blame them.
Here are the helpful tips on how you can get over a divorce easily and move on to enjoy a new life.
Allow yourself time to grief and cry
Most people have different opinions about this issue but trust me grieving helps. Who wouldn’t cry when leaving a better part of their life behind. My advice is that as you grieve, stop lamenting about why it happened to you. Grieving should be a way of letting off go.
Take this time to recollect all the good times you had together with your ex. Cry as much as you can as this is an important way of moving on after divorce. This is also the time you can focus on how to build your life.
Most people often develop depression after divorce because of pretending to be too strong to cry. Don’t fall into that category. Crying is the best way of acknowledging what you once had together and accepting that it is over. Accepting makes life after separation bearable.
Consider a change of scenery
This is the right time to say yes to that transfer you have been contemplating. A job transfer or a new job can be a very good way on how to get over a divorce.
Remember you need a new environment that will not give you constant reminders about your past. This is also the right time to further your career. You can register for that Master’s Program you have been procrastinating for five years. Or you can take an online course in photoshop. Such activities will make you not feel lonely after divorce.
Time to be a bit selfish
Marriage demands couples to consider their partners in whatever they do, but the opposite is true if you are undergoing a bitter break up. You need to pursue your own interest and develop your own skills. There is no one to frown at you if you choose to climb The Everest.
Remember that you want to start a new life and building a life that is of interest to you is the right way on how to cope with divorce. To achieve this, you need to be a bit selfish and do what is good for you without considering the impact it would have on others.
Time to rediscover yourself
You need to rediscover the real you. This will make the process of getting over divorce easy. Who were you before things went south? Rediscover new things and new interests. You can join hobby clubs. Reading also helps. Read content that builds you. Such activities help very much when it comes to getting through a divorce because they keep you busy and don’t give you time for loneliness.
Learn how to fix things
One of the reasons why life after divorce for women is very difficult is that you used to depend on your husband or wife to do almost everything for you.
The best way on how to handle a divorce is to learn to fix things on your own. Fixing a lightbulb is not as hard as you think, you also don’t need a degree in Engineering to fix a faulty fridge. For men, learn how to make those pancakes and other favorite meals that can make you miss your ex-wife.
You are on your own, so act like it. Be independent. Moving on from divorce can be very difficult if you can’t fix a bulb because you will be crying and feeling sorry for yourself whenever you have such an issue.
Plan your finances
This a very important issue especially if you and your ex-had a joint account. While learning on how to deal with divorce, then financial management should be one of the first things on your list.
Things won’t be the same if your ex-spouse was the one paying most of your bills. I know the courts may compel him or her to pay for your upkeep but that is not enough.
Cut down on what you don’t need. Move to a smaller house if need be. You can hire the services of a financial planner if you can afford it. You need to know how to make savings and investments. The only way on how to survive a divorce is avoiding other stressful issues like loans and debts.
Be there for your kids
I said something about being selfish but if you have kids, then you have a duty to raise them. The trauma of a family breakup always hits the children most. Most children always have a hard time to choose between who among the two parents to go with.
Encourage your kids, be a good parent by making sure they don’t miss you. Encourage them by assuring them that everything will be ok.
After a nasty breakup, there is a chance that your kids have had a rough time before the breakup if you have been given custody then allow the other parents to play a role in their upbringing too. This is unless they don’t want to.
Find a shoulder to lean on
Friends play a vital role in the recovery period. Genuine friends will give you a perfect shoulder to lean on when you most need them. I have said, genuine friends, because some human beings will pretend to be your friends but in essence, they are laughing on your back.
Feel free to seek the opinion of your best friend before making any decision because people tend to make hasty decisions during such times. There’s nothing as good as the advice of a good friend.
Learn to love again
Some say the quickest way on how to get over a divorce is to sleep with another person. This is so wrong, and it never works, because it will just crash your self-esteem. You may also end up being hurt more.
The fact that your marriage didn’t work should not condemn you to loneliness forever. Starting relationships after divorce is not easy. You need to take time to adjust to the fact that you are single again and therefore need to start going out on dates.
After going through a divorce, you become more experienced and mature. You know the kind of things you want in your potential partner. However, before you get to that, be free and have fun by going out on dates. A date is an easy way on how you can recover from a divorce. Just learn to do it all over again.
For many couples, divorce is always a nightmare because nobody likes change. The fear of the unknown makes people stick in very abusive relationships for a little too long. And when they finally get separated, it becomes even bitter when you remember all the time you wasted in trying to make things work.
If you have been through a divorce, then stop looking at the negative part of it and focus on the good side. Everything is two-sided; bad and good. Being single again means you can decide on how your time.
You don’t have to fake happiness when you are around your partner’s friends. A separation can boost your confidence and allow you to rediscover yourself. I hope you find happiness in whatever you decide to do.